The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
