I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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