I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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