I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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