I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
