i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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