is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
