omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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