I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize