Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
