I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
