I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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