just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
