dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
