My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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