Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
