I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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