What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize