stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
