i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
