he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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