I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
