oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
