I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
