goodnight i made you a song goodbye
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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