I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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