Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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