There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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