God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
