Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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