i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize