Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
