Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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