my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
