What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
