SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
