It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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