im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
