Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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