If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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