i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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