it hurts more in the daytime
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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