can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
