I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Randomize
