Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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