Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
