somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
