i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
