look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
