I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
