And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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