God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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