first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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