BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
