According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
