hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
