Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Randomize
