Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
