You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
vagina is talking i cant
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sorry my hands just texted you
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
