just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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