He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
