so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize