2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
