he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
