dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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