yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
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