i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
