My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
