I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
